Inner Reflection

This past month has been really good and then not so good. I make too many excuses for myself. I love being busy but this inevitably turns into my telling myself there isn't enough time to do the things that are truly most important. I am so blessed to have the Gospel in my life and yet sometimes I don't exercise it for myself to the full potential.

This month I've been trying to get to know the Savior better by reading more about his life. Getting re-acquainted with the history, culture, and the customs of his time makes such a difference in understanding his ministry as contained in the Gospels. His teachings have many levels to them and to really understand one has to be acquainted with the history attached to it. This has also made a difference in reading the Doctrine and Covenants, which I'm reading in a three month challenge. I find it better to have a challenge to complete it so I have a deadline. I succeed much better this way. Funny how I have to find tricks to help myself succeed!

But, as I've gone through the month, I've been feeling I need a break. I've been much busier than usual and the first thing that gets thrown out the window is my personal scripture reading and prayers. It's easier to cut back on things for myself than to cut back on things with my kids. But this is a double edged sword because I find that if I'm not prayerfully reading my scriptures and having meaningful prayer, I lack the patience and the Spirit that comes with being personally faithful. But when I get cranky, I don't like anyone telling me or even me telling myself, "Stupid girl! Do what you're supposed to do and you'll feel and do better!" Ugh, the whole thing is so obvious but it's hard to get back in the habit and making the effort.

So today marks the day where I'm forcing myself back into the good habit of being faithful. A sister in church today asked a wonderful question she had asked herself this week, "Are people seeing me as a good example of Christ?" I think I've become a bit more self-inspective lately, and this question definitely made me look inward. I didn't like the answer I had for myself this week. So, back to work.

I'm also enjoying getting out and running 3 days a week. In the past I try to run 5 days a week but after having a 3rd "L" boy, I decided I really can't do it all. And I've been so happy with it! Three days is definitely manageable and it doesn't stress me out or make me feel as guilty.

My boys are doing just wonderful. Lawson and I are working on him sitting up. He needs some social reinforcement to sit up. This involves me helping him sit up while I mercilessly praise him until he face plants, laughing his little face off. I don't understand this lack of motivation in sitting up so he can start crawling, but I think he is just content to watch all the action that goes on around him. He is so adorable. Levi is a pistol as usual, never shy to express what he is feeling or thinking. He is constantly asking questions and pointing at things, soaking up as much information as he can fit into that gigantic head of his. Logan is hilarious. Just tonight he was asking Nick, "Dad, has your tummy gotten bigger?" Oh, I almost fell off my chair I was laughing so hard. It is those comments that make me feel like I can't wait for another day to see what they will say or do next. Have I mentioned I am the most blessed mother of three "L" boys in existence?